You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
