she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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