i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
