Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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