Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was born a porn star she said
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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