So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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