Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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