You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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