hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
