My sheets look like a crime scene.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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