Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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