when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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