with your own penis?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
