I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
