Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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