barbara walters just said penis...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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