This girl is more easily done than said...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize