yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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