i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
