I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
