By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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