Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
