Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
