are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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