Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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