I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
