I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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