I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
