Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
