she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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