Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
