you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
