Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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