I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
