One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
