i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
