Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
