I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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