There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
