Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
