I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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