I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
