yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
