She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
