help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
