I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
