I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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