do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
