I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize