Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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