Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
