My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
