i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
