When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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