I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
