So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
