I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize