I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
