Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
