so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
