I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
