Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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