I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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