By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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