I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
