Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize