Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
