is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
