Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
