"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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