i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
