I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
