Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My pussy is not your playground.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
