the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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