You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
