you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
