Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize