I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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