But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
